Why You Shouldn’t Judge Fat People

edited scaleI’m the first one to admit that I’m fat. I’m definitely not in shape, I’ve got flab, and according to the BMI scale I’m morbidly obese. Some people might see me and think, “Wow, that girl is so lazy. She needs to stop eating all that junk and work out”. To those people I’d like to say: FUCK YOU! Those people have no idea what’s going on in my life or the hell I have been through. Why should they get to judge me based on my weight? My 100 pound weight gain was not something I chose, it was forced upon me. I’ve had to put my life on hold due to chronic pain for five long years and have come out of it with awards, a degree, and a future. So here’s what some people may want to consider before bashing the overweight:

1. You have no idea what’s going on in their lives. Pain zaps all of your energy and slows down your metabolism. The loads of medication I’m on also slows down my metabolism and makes my heart beat crazy heart when I exercise. I’d love to see you run on a treadmill in excruciating pain with your heart beating so hard you feel like you’re going to have a heart attack. I can assure you, it’s not a pleasant experience.

Other things that could be going on in fat people’s lives you don’t know about: taking care of small children and working all the time prevent them from exercising regularly, dealing with a thyroid disease that makes it nearly impossible to lose weight, recent tragedy has zapped their motivation, they are happy the way they are!

My sister and I when she was a lifeguard and I was the pool manager.

My sister and I when she was a lifeguard and I was the pool manager.

2. When you rudely point out your opinion of us, no matter how well intended, it hurts our feelings. For example, four years ago I was working as a lifeguard at a local pool. I had just started my weight gain process and was self-conscious about it. However, it was hot so I decided to jump off the diving board and cool down in the pool. Before I jumped a group of boys started yelling, “Watch out for the whale!” as if that wouldn’t completely embarrass me. After I got out of the pool I called the boys over and let them know that disrespecting the lifeguards can result in automatic dismissal from the pool. They looked so embarrassed. I guess they didn’t think they would have to face the person they were calling names. Needless to say, they shut up for the rest of their visit. If you have an opinion about my weight, so should you.

3. Just because we’re overweight, doesn’t mean we’re not healthy. It’s such a load of shit that we all sit around eating three orders of fries and multiple burgers. When I see episodes of Dr. Phil and the fat person just stopped eating McDonald’s every day I want to puke. Lots of overweight people work out regularly and don’t lose weight. Lots of people are skinny who don’t work out. Stop judging us and do some self reflection.

I, for example, have continued to eat healthily throughout these five hellish years. I eat lots of fruits, vegetables, and take daily vitamins. But I’m still fat because I would sleep for days at a time due to pain and my metabolism sucks due to pain medication. Since I started weaning off my medicine a month and a half ago I’ve lost 30 pounds. So, no, I’m not fat because I only eat cookies and watch TV, thank you very much.

4. We try to lose weight; sometimes obsessively. I started my first diet at 10 years old. Since then I have tried every weight loss program under the sun to try and make it to a single digit size. It has obviously never happened. The closest I got was a size 11 when my jaw was banded shut after my first surgery. I was getting, maybe, 300 calories a day then. What does that tell you? The average American woman is a size 14, so why do we all think we have to be a size 4? Oh right, because people are judging us.

Everyone hates to be judged based on their looks, but somehow society has created this theory that because fat people are unhealthy, it’s their own fault and therefore okay to judge them. That just isn’t right. There are entire websites dedicated to people’s hatred of fat people! Really? You can’t find another group of people to hate? Child molesters, rapists, and terrorists are just some of my suggestions.

So let’s stop the hate and the judgement and decide that we are all human beings with flaws. Instead of judging fat people, why not show a little compassion? Believe me, it’s not fun to be fighting your body all the time.

Or better yet, all us fat people should get together, tell the world to fuck off, and be happy with our bodies the way they are. We may be fat, but we have all our limbs, aren’t dying of cancer, and have a boundless future ahead of us. So maybe if we stop whining about our weight, the haters will stop judging us for it.

Me, as of a month ago, healthy and happy with my body.

Me, as of a month ago, healthy and happy with my body.

14 comments on Why You Shouldn’t Judge Fat People

  1. Rebecca
    January 18, 2015 at 12:44 pm (4 years ago)

    I really loved this! I have always been shocked how other people care so much about someone else’s body. What the fuck does it matter? If someone loves themselves, let them be! I watch a lot of Trisha Paytas on YouTube and people accuse her of obesity glorification because she tells girls to love themselves. Like what?!? How does that make ANY sense? When people advocate for ‘healthy living’ how come it is just physical? You can be the fittest girl in the world but still hate yourself, which is not healthy living! Being healthy also means being emotionally and mentally healthy which is why it’s so important to encourage people to love themselves!

    I gained a lot of weight with my blood clots and for so long I thought I needed to lose all that weight to be attractive. However, I have to deal with leg pain, swelling and discomfort so it’s going to take me so much longer to lose weight than the average person. In the mean time, I am going to love myself because I can. Fuck the people that want to critique me; my response to them is: “Go through what I went through and see if you manage to keep your figure!”. I will make healthier choices but I am not going to obsess over thinness or a size. There’s more to life than a number!

    I am so proud of you, Jaelin! No matter what, you are one smoking babe!

    • jaelinpalmer
      January 18, 2015 at 11:04 pm (4 years ago)

      Thank you Rebecca! People are so quick to judge others, when they have no idea what’s going on in their lives. Most people wouldn’t judge a girl who was crying or depressed because there would obviously be something wrong with her. I think people are less harsh on anorexics and bulimics because they think at least that takes dedication. Just because our problems aren’t super obvious, doesn’t mean it’s okay to judge us.

      And obesity glorification is ridiculous and frankly impossible in our society. People are baffled when a curvy girl is happy just the way she is. People forget that Marilyn Monroe was a size 14. I agree that mental and emotional health is so important and underrated. In the words of Meghan Trainor, “Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top”.

      • bearspawprint
        January 21, 2015 at 9:28 pm (4 years ago)

        Unfortunately depressed people are ridiculed and discriminated against, by genera practitioners, family, and everybody else. There is common myth that we all either earned our problems, physical, mental, social, other, in a previous life were we did not behave or we did something ourselves to cause the problems and therefore if we all just “pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and toe the line” or “straiten up and fly right” we will magically turn into what ever it is they want us to be. Another myth is that people CHOOSE their problems!! As if everyone is issued a menu of pain, and we can abstain, or choose something easy. 😀 Anorexics do suffer, terribly. They are also more likely to die as a direct result of their disorder. And all the while being told to just “snap out of it”. Body dysmorphia is one of the more intractable disorders that manifest usually starting with the pre-teen years, but with some even younger, and some much older, as well.

        Your problems are terrible enough without thinking someone else’s troubles might be less or that they get more understanding. Naw. They get hit in the gut by the same mouthy bitches, and ostracized by the same cliquish snobs, who are not a new phenomena. Even your great great grandmothers ran into these people, or maybe they were one! Here is a trailer of an (2004 remake) movie that sheds a little insight on the subject of feminine image. Some of it is grotesquely funny, some of it is horrible, much of it is too too real. Of course the book by Ira Levine is better. Below the trailer is the 1975 original version of The Stepfod Wives. Of course this is NOT the source of disorders, but it does give a little insight into attitudes about such things and the pressure for social conformity.

        BTW 30lbs in ONE month !! ?? That is awfully fast!!

        Congratulation (WOW!!) on the degree and being able to recognize your own bright future. Besides that … you can WRITE! 😀 And please pain go away. If there is no longer a structural cause, perhaps your neurologist would consider that sometimes the brain gets stuck … like a computer in a loop, and keeps having the pain response long after the stimuli have either been resolved or gone away. Gabapentin used to be Rx for epilepsy, but it didn’t do much, but it was found it does (for MS, anyway) help with the brain-pain-loop and neuropathies, spasticity. Post-herpetic pain, shingles, is the most common reason. Meds for diabetic neuropathy are sometimes useful as well. Your docs will know what is and is not available. SSRI are also used for chronic pain tolerance, BUT even if the pain goes away, it is MORE than difficult, even dangerous, to stop taking them, once started. If you are not actually depressed you should ask A LOT of questions if these meds are suggested. They are life savers for many, but just the opposite for some others. ( just read in your side bar, the Twitter comment about returning pain. I hope and pray it is transient. Enough of that already!!

        You are an amazing and wonderfully brave and spunky and photogenic young woman. :star: :star:

        • jaelinpalmer
          January 22, 2015 at 12:50 am (4 years ago)

          I agree that people do tend to be too harsh when dealing with people in pain, anorexics, etc. People should be sympathetic to others’ problems. I also agree that fat people aren’t the only ones criticized too harshly. I know everyone has the mean girl or clique who picks/picked on them, I just think fat people can be judged harsher or to a worse degree than other body types. Then again, I’ve never been too skinny or anorexic, so I wouldn’t really know.

          I LOVED that trailer! It’s such a great commentary on what our society has become, even if it was in the 70s. I guess that proves your point that this has been going on forever. I sometimes forget that though because my mother grew up in a small Mormon town in Utah and she always says that everyone was nice to each other there. She doesn’t remember anyone ever being mean to others or picking on kids. It’s hard when my mother thinks this is only a recent thing.

          I know it seems like a lot of weight very quickly. It has been almost three months now (11 weeks). Keep in mind that my jaw was wired shut for a month, then I went from zero activity to walking around and living life normally, and I also have been getting off a lot of my medication that slowed down my metabolism. The doctors have actually given me that exact description of the brain loop thing and I have been on Gabapentin for over four years. (I’ve actually had shingles, by the way.) I’m getting off the Gabapentin now. The only medication I’m on is Gabapentin, percocet and clonodine, which is a very big deal for me. My doctors are helping me get off the medication safely. Thank you for your well wishes about my pain. I just got off my Fentanyl patch completely, so I think that’s part of the problem.

          Thank you so much for your compliments! I’m so glad you enjoy my writing because I definitely enjoy yours. I just really appreciate it. It’s nice to have support from someone who has been through it, you know?

          • bearspawprint
            January 22, 2015 at 1:52 am (4 years ago)

            Instead of saying “fat people”, perhaps if you replaced those words with “curvy, shapely, buxom, generous figure” for women, and stout, broad, earthy, strong, bear-like” for men then others might begin to see with your more flattering eyes. “Fat people” is too broad (haha) a designation of stigma. It doesn’t really describe anybody, it is just a slur. I think the term should be dropped, entirely. Besides, POSTURE contributes more to the impression of too much weight, more than actual pounds or muscle tension. Those “restrictive” corsets of the olden days provided BACK support.

            That IS a big deal. Good for you <3 Congratulations <3 <3 <3 Huzzah Huzzah <3 <3 <3

            Those are not so much compliments and observations from the outside. Sometimes we can get so angry with our bodies for what feels like a betrayal that we don't notice how absolutely marvelous they are. The mirror we tend to respond to is the one that speaks mockingly so that too often we adopt those ugly words as our own internal dialogue…. another one of those loops. We just gotta cut that tape, or dub some of the useless terms with more accurate ones. Takes practice to look in a mirror, any mirror and say the good.real, accurate words instead of the hurtful spirit vandal's graffiti. You have accomplished so much, I'm just coming in on the tail end of the worst of (I hope). You are an inspiration with the way you can write and say it like it is, and whine a bit. That is real strength. <3 <3

          • jaelinpalmer
            January 23, 2015 at 11:30 pm (4 years ago)

            I definitely see where you’re coming from with not using the term fat people. And our everyday inner dialogue should definitely be different. However, there is a certain kind of freedom in using the word fat in a non-judgmental way and just accepting it. I honestly used it for my title because it was attention catching. But you’re right, it is used as a slur most of the time, although that wasn’t what I intended when I used the term in my post.

            How you carry yourself does indeed effect how people see you. I had a friend who lost a lot of weight but still walked like he was heavy and that effected how people saw him. Posture in general effects how confident people think you are as well. I had a friend who always slouched and people assumed she was shy or insecure because of it. She really wasn’t either of those things, she just had bad posture.

            Thank you for the congratulations! I appreciate it. It’s funny how I love being able to wash my arms in the shower without going around patches. It’s the little things I always took for granted that I appreciate most now.

            I definitely have felt like my body betrayed me, not just weight-wise, but with the pain. I forget how much my body does for me; how healthy I am compared to others. I also know what you mean about the mirror. Although I don’t think I’m overly critical of myself, when I look in the mirror the first things I notice are what’s wrong with my face or body, not what I like about me. Maybe that should be a goal of mine. To point out something I like about myself first when I look in the mirror. When I was young, I read a book that said to clap your hands and say “stop” out loud when your inner dialogue gets too negative. I still find myself doing that sometimes.

            I sure hope this is the tail end of things. I’m not sure I could take much more. I never thought of being frank and letting people know what bothers me as a strength, but I guess you’re right, it really can be sometimes. It’s nice just getting some of this stuff off of my chest. Thank you again for your kind words and support. They really make a difference in my day.

          • bearspawprint
            January 24, 2015 at 12:00 am (4 years ago)

            If I were to clap my hands every time my inner dialogue is negative, anyone within hearing would think I was applauding a show that never ends behind my eyes 😀

          • jaelinpalmer
            January 24, 2015 at 12:01 am (4 years ago)

            Haha! Sounds like we both have some work to do! 😉

  2. caroline
    January 18, 2015 at 1:24 pm (4 years ago)

    I think this is such an important post!!! You are absolutely right that we have no right to judge others. I, for one, struggle with my thyroid and what made it worse is that the doctors kept telling me that I was fine (I knew I wasn’t) and it was only after I moved that I was able to get the proper meds to start regulating it. I can’t imagine what you are going through but I want to say good for you for staying healthy throughout the pain!

    • jaelinpalmer
      January 18, 2015 at 11:14 pm (4 years ago)

      Thank you so much for commenting! Thyroid problems can be so difficult and something people don’t even consider before turning their noses up at us. I understand the frustration of someone telling you there’s no problem when you know there is. My original surgeon told me I was fine and the pain was normal for a year! When I finally went to a pain specialist and they told me I wasn’t crazy, that the pain was real and definitely not normal, it was such a magnificent relief. More doctors need to realize that we know our bodies and what’s going on with them. Thank you for the encouraging words and I commend you for staying strong even with your thyroid problems!

      By the way, I LOVE your website! It’s incredible and you definitely have a new loyal reader. 🙂

  3. chrisyisblogging
    February 7, 2015 at 5:11 pm (4 years ago)

    First let me start by saying props to you for telling your story, second I know it’s easier said than done but try not to take what rude people say to heart what you think is all that matters. =) you are beautiful not fat

    • jaelinpalmer
      February 8, 2015 at 7:01 am (4 years ago)

      Hi Chrisy! Thank you so much for reading. I definitely agree that it is super hard not to listen to what everyone says about you, and I will try to take their opinions with a grain of salt as you suggested. You’re right that our opinions of ourselves is what really matters. If you want to read some more body positive content, you should check out the site I contribute to (The Glitter Diaries) and participate in their Love Yourself challenge this month. The site has some amazing body positive content. Here is the link to their week one challenge: Love Yourself Challenge: Week One.

      You are gorgeous yourself girlie! Thank you for commenting. 🙂

      • chrisyisblogging
        February 8, 2015 at 7:55 am (4 years ago)

        Thank you I will check them out, good luck with everything =)


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